


Five time Bucky Barnes said the wrong thing and one time he said everything right.

by yukiawison



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Avengers Tower, Fluff, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, five times fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 01:34:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3100157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukiawison/pseuds/yukiawison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers was picking another fight he couldn’t win. Andy Morris was at least a foot taller and 20 pounds heavier than him and he didn’t think twice about pounding him into the nearest alley if he got the chance. Steve was seeing spots when he heard a voice.</p><p>"Hey, leave the kid alone! Pick on someone your own size for God’s sake!"</p><p>The words stung more than the punches as Steve struggled to lift himself from the pavement.</p><p>The other boy socked Andy Morris in the nose and sent him running before Steve could regain his wits.</p><p>"You alright there squirt?" The boy offered a hand to help him up but Steve didn’t take it. He got up by himself, with difficulty, and dusted off his pants before looking up at the other boy.</p><p>"Don’t call me squirt," he scowled. "Thank you but I didn’t need your saving."</p><p>The boy laughed, gently, kind heartedly, even though Steve was trying not to like him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five time Bucky Barnes said the wrong thing and one time he said everything right.

1.

Steve Rogers was picking another fight he couldn’t win. Andy Morris was at least a foot taller and 20 pounds heavier than him and he didn’t think twice about pounding him into the nearest alley if he got the chance. Steve was seeing spots when he heard a voice.

"Hey, leave the kid alone! Pick on someone your own size for God’s sake!"

The words stung more than the punches as Steve struggled to lift himself from the pavement.

The other boy socked Andy Morris in the nose and sent him running before Steve could regain his wits.

"You alright there squirt?" The boy offered a hand to help him up but Steve didn’t take it. He got up by himself, with difficulty, and dusted off his pants before looking up at the other boy.

"Don’t call me squirt," he scowled. "Thank you but I didn’t need your saving."

The boy laughed, gently, kind heartedly, even though Steve was trying not to like him.

"Alright, alright whatever you say kid. How old are you? Eight?"

"I’m ten," Steve scowled. "And I fight my own fights mister…"

"Barnes, James Buchanan Barnes," the boy grinned.

"Well James…"

"Bucky, people call me Bucky."

"Well Bucky, I might be a little small for my age, but that don’t mean I can’t fight."

"Oh I believe ya mister…"

"Rogers, Steve Rogers."

"I bet you’re the best fighter around Stevie. You hungry?"

"Hungry?"

Bucky tossed him a quarter. “Come get lunch with me? What do ya say?”

Steve was still angry but his stomach was growling something awful and he knew it was good to stay in the company of fellas who offered you a free meal.

"Fine, but don’t call me Stevie."

2.

"Stevie are you gonna help me or not?"

Bucky was in his nice jacket and tie. They fit him well, accentuating his slender frame and making him even more handsome than when he was in a beat up button up. Steve took a deep breath. It was immensely unfair for him to have the hots for his best friend. Unfair and wrong.

"Sure Buck, just put your hand on my waist. You sure you can lead this time?"

Bucky nodded, face scrunched up in concentration. “Just relax Buck, don’t want Ruthie thinking you’re out to kill her.”

He nodded, and flipped on the radio. They practiced, Bucky tried not to step on Steve’s feet, and Steve counted out the steps so he wouldn’t get lost.

"Now dip me Buck."

"What?"

"I trust you. You won’t drop me."

Bucky dipped him, gently, their faces close together.

"I think your ready," Steve grinned.

Bucky sighed. “You sure you won’t come? I could sneak you in.”

"It’s your senior prom, I’ll get mine next year."

Bucky looked at him critically. “Sometimes I wish you were a dame. Then I could just take you to the prom.”

Steve’s throat burned from trying to hold back tears. He nodded. He knew that was the way it was. He was no dame so he couldn’t have Bucky. It just hurt twice as bad when Bucky said it.

"Thanks Stevie," he said, ruffling his hair. "You’re a lifesaver."

Steve had his sketchbook open on his lap when Bucky came home, bright eyed and dancing through the door with an imaginary partner.

"It went well?"

"Course!" His cheeks were flushed from the cold and his hair was flying every which way. "All thanks to you."

Steve looked at him and knew he’d have to tell him soon. It was inevitable.

"Ruthie doesn’t dance like you though. Sorry I couldn’t take you." He looked sad, genuinely sad for a moment. "If things were different I…"

"You’d what?"

He shook his head. “Never mind, it’s dumb,” he got up. “Goodnight Steve.”

3.

"You should move in." Steve looked up, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"I’m serious Stevie. You hate your apartment and I’ve got the space. It’s cheaper and you’re here often enough I thought…"

"What about Alice?" Steve muttered. Bucky had been sweet on Alice and Steve thought he was going to ask her to move in soon.

"Alice has her place and I’ve got mine. Live with me Stevie."

"Fine, okay. I’ll start packing my stuff."

"You and Steve," Alice frowned, the look foreign with her dark red lipstick.

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"Honey you know how I feel about Steve."

Bucky’s eyes darkened. “He’s my best pal.”

Steve felt ashamed for eavesdropping but he couldn’t help himself. He pressed his ear to the door.

"People will talk."

"About what? What’s so strange about two people living together?"

"Two boys…"

"What? Are you worried I might do something. I’m no cheater and I’m no homo…"

"I’ve seen the way he looks at you…at the other boys. He’s the one I’m worried about."

"So what if he is one?"

Alice slapped him, hard across the cheek and turned. ” He’s a dirty fairy Bucky Barnes. Stay away from him.” Then she was gone.

Steve pretended not to notice the angry red mark on Bucky’s cheek.

"Alice is gone," he mumbled.

"Oh Buck I’m sorry. What happened?" There was a knot in his chest. Would Bucky tell him what he already knew.

"She uh…" He hesitated. "She didn’t want us moving in together. She thinks you’re uh…" He went quiet, paling. "Steve it doesn’t matter…"

"She thinks I’m a fairy right? You can say it Bucky."

Bucky nodded, meeting Steve’s eyes carefully. “She was no good for me anyway.”

"What if I was…gay I mean."

"I wouldn’t care Steve. My ma always told me it didn’t matter who you loved, just how."

"Oh…well for the record Alice is right." Steve could hear his heart, going crazy, about to leap out of his chest.

"I know."

"You know?"

"I told you it didn’t matter. I still want you to live with me. As long as there’s nothing," he gestured between them. "Here."

Steve nodded, swallowing the feelings he’d held onto for too long already. “Course.”

"You don’t want to kiss me do you?" Bucky laughed, a nervous joke.

"No, of course not."

He sighed. “That’s a relief.”

Never were words so crushing.

4.

Bucky had had too much to drink. Endless glasses of champagne and shots with his old high school buddies had made this year’s New Year’s party a little too tipsy, even for Buck.

He couldn’t see straight and had trouble staying on his feet. Someone suggested he cool off on the roof. Maybe some cold air would help sober him up.

"Hey there Stevie, what are you doin up here?" He slurred, slinging an arm over Steve’s tiny shoulders. Bucky got handsy when he he was drunk, and he’d been careful to keep his distance ever since Steve came out. Steve kind of missed this Bucky: the one who’d dance with him in the living room, or hug him when he’d had a rough day.

"You enjoying the party Bucky?"

"Oh yeah. I had a little to drink."

"I think you had more than a little Buck."

He laughed, and the sound made Steve’s chest feel warm.

"Maybe," he put a finger to Steve’s lips. "Don’t tell my folks."

Steve laughed. “Jesus Buck you’re not 18 anymore.”

"Right, right…I forgot. You got a nice laugh Stevie."

"Thanks Buck. It’s cold out here, why don’t you go inside?"

"Remember when I made you come out and play in the snow with me and you got the flu? I’m sorry."

“‘S okay Buck.”

"And I’m sorry I lied."

"Lied?"

"You said you didn’t wanna kiss me, and I acted like I didn’t want you to. I lied. I was gonna kiss you if you said yes. But you didn’t…so I lied."

"I lied."

"You what?"

"I lied too Buck. I wanted to kiss you. I’ve always wanted to kiss you."

It was quick. Not exactly chaste but quick and warm and tasted like champagne.

Bucky pulled away, face flushed from the liquor and grin to match Steve’s.

"You’re gorgeous you know?"

"You’re drunk Bucky."

"Then take me home."

"Okay."

"Alright…no wait." He steadied himself against Steve.

"You should hit me."

"Why would I do that Buck?"

"I ship out tomorrow."

5.

Steve didn’t think he’d see him again. He hadn’t accepted it. He wasn’t sure he ever would…but then, well becoming Captain America was a whirl of things he never expected to happen. When they met again he didn’t know what to do. It was dangerous, more so now that Steve was in the spotlight.

And Bucky was wasted. It was possible he didn’t even remember the kiss…but how could you forget a kiss like that?

So they didn’t say anything. And the silence was painful.

"Stevie you want a drink?" Bucky had mellowed a bit. He wasn’t drinking much. Something about the war, it changed people.

"I’m fine Buck, thanks."

"Merry Christmas Stevie," he grinned, leaning in a little closer than socially acceptable.

"Merry Christmas James."

"What’s this? You gettin all serious with me Steven?"

"So you got your eye on any dames? Anyone to kiss under the mistletoe?"

Bucky shook his head. “Naw Steve. You? Any gents?” He finished, quieter.

"Can’t risk it," Steve muttered. "You’ve got to know that."

“‘M sorry.”

"It’s not your fault."

Steve got up, wandering to another table to get his jacket. The Commandos were getting a little too loud, and a lot too drunk. It was time for him to go. Bucky followed after him.

"Uh oh!" Someone called. Steve’s heart was pounding too hard to tell who. "Looks like the Cap and Sargent Barnes are under the mistletoe!" Bucky looked up, eyes wide and nervous.

"Stevie I…"

"What?"

He looked to the rest of the Commandos before breaking into a grin. “Nice try boys,” he pecked a kiss onto Steve’s cheek. “Captain America doesn’t kiss and tell.”

Steve didn’t try after that. It hurt too much, hoping he’d get Bucky back.

+1

The museum was quiet. Even the Captain America exhibit didn’t get much traffic on Tuesday afternoons. Steve didn’t know why he was there. He’d visited the exhibit plenty of times. He’d nearly memorized the plaques detailing various events of his life.

The one thing he hadn’t expected to see in the exhibit was Bucky Barnes. Long hair covered in a dark hoodie, hunched over on a bench, staring blankly at the lit up line of uniforms.

Steve approached cautiously. He didn’t want to scare him off, not when he was so close.

He sat down on the edge of the bench, quietly.

Bucky looked up. He tensed, made a small whimpering sound, and looked at him. “Hi, Steve.”

"Hi Bucky, are you okay?"

"I…I’m not all here…I mean I…" He was shaking now.

"Bucky honey, it’s okay. Take a deep breath."

Bucky nodded. “I um, I’m starting to remember some things. Not good things…I think I’m remembering the shitty things first.”

Steve smiled slightly. “Yeah? Do you wanna talk about it? Do you remember much about me?”

Bucky turned to him, reached out hesitantly and wrapped his arms around him. He nodded, burying his face in Steve’s chest and shaking.

"Yeah Stevie, I do. I do. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me. Please don’t leave me. I don’t know what to do…"

"I’m not going to leave you Buck. I’m not going to leave you. I missed you too much."

He stroked his hair. It was matted and dirty and made Steve want to cry.

Bucky had nightmares. He woke up screaming and needed Steve to sit with him until he fell asleep. Steve made him breakfast every morning. Bucky barely ate but Steve always made sure he had plenty in case he changed his mind.

It was slow. A smile here and there, the time he asked if he could curl up beside Steve instead of spending another night alone, Steve couldn’t wipe the smile off his face the day Bucky asked if he could borrow one of his T-shirts.

"Stevie?"

"Yeah Buck?" It was cold outside. Steve had a scarf wrapped solidly around his neck, and he took it off as he came through the front door.

"Is it cold out?"

"Yeah Bucky, a little."

He frowned. He was wearing an oversized knitted sweater, the sleeve rolled up over his metal arm so the yarn wouldn’t get caught.

"What is it? What’s wrong?"

"Your face is all flushed," he said, face flushing himself. "You look nice Stevie."

"Thanks Buck. Are you sure you’re okay?"

"Yeah…I…yeah," he looked like he was somewhere else, eyes glazed and distant.

"What is it?"

"I’m sorry," he said.

"Bucky, for the hundredth time you don’t need to…"

"When we first met, and I called you squirt. I’m sorry."

"You remember that?"

Bucky nodded. “I remember a lot of things now. I remember how pissed you looked when I took over that fight for ya. Your cheeks were all flushed, and your eye was bruised up,” Bucky reached out a hand and touched Steve’s face. “You could have done it all by yourself.”

"Then I wouldn’t have met you. Good thing you stick your nose in other people’s business jerk."

Bucky kissed him on the cheek. It was the most affectionate thing he’d done since he got back.

"I missed you Bucky. I missed you so much."

"I know you did."

It’s a few weeks later, and they’re going to dinner at Stark Tower. Bucky left earlier. Pepper was going to teach him how to make cookies. Tony had said something about dressing up and Bucky had nodded along so enthusiastically that Steve put on the jacket and dress pants he wore to press conferences.

"Hey Stevie," Bucky opened the door. His hair was pulled back and he was wearing a dark jacket and blue tie.

"What’s going on?" He asked, looking past him at the cleared living room where Pepper and Tony, Clint and Natasha, Thor and Jane, and the rest of the Avengers (as well as Sam,) were dancing or sipping punch from plastic cups.

"Remember when you taught me how to dance? My senior prom?"

"Yeah?"

"I should’ve taken you. You were the one I wanted to dance with."

"So you made prom."

"Yeah I made prom."

A slow song Steve remembered from 1935, came from the record player Tony had set up. Bucky took him by the waist and pulled him close, making Steve warm everywhere Bucky touched.

"You didn’t have to do this," Steve said, grinning. "I got over prom a long time ago. "

"Yeah but I didn’t. I was a real ass."

"It was different back then. If I had any brains at all I wouldn’t let you take me."

"Let me show you something," Bucky pulled him out onto the balcony, holding his hand tightly. He took both of his hands and faced him, breath turning to mist in the cold. "You remember the roof punk?"

Steve’s breath caught. “You remember the roof? We never talked about the roof Buck,” he whispered.

"Cause I was afraid, and you were Captain America by then. You didn’t need me."

"I always needed you."

"You needed me under that damn mistletoe and I let you down."

"Buck…" Before he could say anything else, Bucky had produced a sprig of mistletoe from his jacket pocket. It was crumpled, leaves falling off as he lofted it between their heads.

"I’m sorry I let you down," he muttered before leaning in. He kissed Steve until he remembered just how long he’d waited for this. He kissed Steve until all the painful shit he’d said without knowing was a distant memory. He tangled his fingers in Steve’s hair and this moment was 70 years in the making.


End file.
